Just Friends

You have heard it mentioned on TV shows and movies, "Can girls and guys just be friends?" I can honestly say I only have one close male friend I have never been with romantically. Ironically, him and I met on POF (Plenty of Fish, a dating website). We've never dated, but found we had plenty in common without the complication of dating. 

Jesse is a talker and a listener, the older brother I never wanted, and my living guy manual. He reminds me of how simple men are and how I over think everything. We are mutual smart-asses and have mouths that never stop talking, so the conversation seems to only stop when one of us falls asleep.

Don't get me wrong, Jesse is attractive, but we've never crossed that bridge. There is so much of me that thinks it would ruin the way we are. Do you notice you have different faces? For instance, does your best friend get the same person as the person you present to your love interest? 

Why complicate the uncomplicated? I would much prefer him to stay as my straight, male, wing-man like in the romantic comedies. Plus, females also tend to annoy me. It's the stubborn Leo in me that can't stand stupidity. Acquaintances, I have plenty. Close girl friends, not so much.

Ladies, do you have a go to guy you have NOT been romantic with?

Dating for a Relationship or Sex?

In March I took a step back from the online dating scene.  Don't get me wrong, I met some great people and had some nice dates, but I was starting to feel burnout.  A large part of me felt that I was not achieving what I really needed at the time.  Yes I needed companionship, but I was starting to feel the strain of an absentee sex life.

Now of course I still wanted someone in my life, but could I deal with a temporary solution to what was bothering me the most?  In the movie, "That Awkward Moment," Zac Efron's character references a roster.  The roster in the movie consists of females his character has random hook-ups with and then dumps when he is asked how the relationship is progressing.  Could I be Zac without the whiny crying women?  Would the idea of a roster work for me?

Females, before you started dating your last boyfriend, you know you always had something on deck.  An "Old Faithful," you could turn to when you were "taking a break" from your relationship, or just in-between your next "One True Love."  This person you could call, usually without hiccup, and have casual sex.  You like each other just enough to be friends and to have sex, but that was it.

Social norms dictate women should not look for sexual relationships, but today's women are testing the waters everyday.  I am non-conventional and believe women should move in directions that please them.  Taking my own advise, should I bury the thought of dating for a relationship and date for sex?  Is it time to find my inner Samantha (Sex and the City)?

The Next Day Call Back

You have had the first date and you truly think everything went great or are mortified because it went horribly wrong.  I have gone on more than one date where I have had no call back or text the next day...or the day after that...or after that...You get my drift.  I have been on others where I have heard back from that person the same day or after and we continued to chat.  There are such things as second dates when the chemistry is right.  Ironically, you may find people you do not want to date, but can really be awesome fast friends.    

How do you know the other person liked meeting you?  Here is the tricky part.  Where most men and women mess it up is by not having the gumption to tell someone after going on a date or after chatting that you really are not into them.  We revert back to teenagers and forget we are adults and do the cruel brush off by not answering text messages or phone calls.  The question: Why?  I know a lot of times the brush off happens because we do not want to hurt someone's feelings.  Honestly, the brush off is a worst way to hurt someone's feelings, especially if they are into you.  Be forward, and give it to them straight.  Tell the person why they are not a match for you.  Are some going to take offense? Sure, but the sooner it is done, the sooner you can move forward.

Guys, if you enjoyed the date, let her know!  Everyone wants to be impressive no matter how we say that we do not care what others may think about us.  You don't have to say it right away, but let her know you enjoyed her company.  If she enjoyed it too, she is going to want to see you again.  Many worry if they are going to sound clingy, so here it is.  There is such thing as moderation and being able to measure the type of responses you can draw from someone.  As long as either party is not pushy, your communication should stay relatively steady.

I know we all like a little bit of cat and mouse. If we do not work to earn someone's attention, the intrigue and interest of the chase or of wanting to know someone is lost.  Showing no interest when another party is on board, can drive the other person mad.  In my best Shakespearean voice, "To call or not to call is the question."

Should We Meet?

The first message was sent or received, and after countless messages back and forth through the website or through text messaging, the almost inevitable question is asked, "Would you like to meet?"  Ironically, most parties have rarely spoken by phone before meeting for the first time.

I am often nervous when meeting someone for the first time. What will he think about me? Will he look like he does in his pictures? Is there going to be ANY chemistry?  There is also some excitement there, but the "first date" gitters do come into play.  I know I am not the only one.

I have had great first encounters and horrible ones.  Unfortunately, the only way to measure the success of what you view as a good first encounter is the same day or next day call back.  Even I have felt like I have made an ass of myself and given the wrong impression.  How do you avert a sketchy first date?

The first meet and greet of sorts is done several ways.  Most have suggested coffee/drinks or dinner.  I like coffee/drink dates because it brings some of those less likely to make bolder moves, such as dinner, to an open forum where he can feel comfortable without feeling like he is obligated to stick around.  I personally prefer the dinner date for several reasons.  First, I prefer the dinner date because I like to see the manners your mother taught you.  Secondly, I like sit across from you and actually TALK to you.  I want to have a feel for any real physical chemistry and personally do not mind casual touching.  Because coffee/drink dates are usually less formal and shorter, they just don't have the same intimate allure as a dinner date.

I have read this time and time again, no guys, we aren't dating to try and get a free meal.  If a woman even had the gumption to get ready to look good for you, she had every intention of wanting to really meet you and see where things go.  I will tell you, women do no put effort forward where they believe nothing good will come from it.  Now if your date comes as a hot mess, there is your sign.

You can't meet anyone if the first move is taken to have the face-to-face, so have fun! Smile and laugh when together and lighten the mood.  Everyone sweats the first date, but it can truly be the next step to knowing someone great who could be just the person for you.

The Profile

For those single and ready to mingle who have braved a dating website, you know the trials and tribulations of coming up with your own short biography while viewing the fabulous versions other users.  The profile is intended to make the person who authored it look like a rock star while fostering a strong friendly vibe in an effort to get noticed.  What does the user write in the profile?  Is there such a thing as "too short" or "too long" of a profile?

Of course the proceeding will completely be my opinion, but in my opinion, the size of the profile depends on the seriousness of the user.  Will the user have the opportunity to pull every aspect of his or her life into a few paragraphs? Of course not, but at least the preface can be used to begin a line of friendly questioning.  My general perception has always been that if a person did not spend the small amount of time in writing some generalities about him or herself, the likeliness of the person wanting a true dating experience (not search for the sole purpose sex) is very unlikely.  Now have I had persons message me without much in a profile and like my interactions?  Yes, but it made me want to know why the person did not take the opportunity to get "more noticed" by writing a short bio.

I will admit, I think my personal bio is wordy, but I do not know how to make it sound any less like...me.  I figure if I am completely honest about myself up front, there is less of an opportunity for him to state he did not know things about me from the start.  I am probably one of the most unique persons in stating I read every persons bio that either messages me or I choose to message.  I am probably one of the very few to do that, but why waste any time responding just for the sake of the person's appearance?

Basic facts, that in my opinion, should be in a profile:

• Your intentions.
• Your general likes and dislikes.
• Your dating preference.

Anything in addition to the latter is icing on the cake.

Things to avoid in a profile:

•  Ex bashing.
• Cursing.
• Sexual innuendos
• Ranting.

Pictures:  Pictures can insight quick perceptions; therefore,  users should be aware of the types of pictures he or she is posting to a profile.  Pictures should be recent and show yourself in situations where your personality is brought to life or provide insight into who you are (e.g. pleasures in life, life events, etc.).  Pictures to avoid are provocative body shots and/or nudity.  Everyone should also avoid pictures in which children are present.  Though the general hope is all users are utilizing the site for its intended purposes, dating sites are just like any other social site where predators can abuse the system.


As I continue my crazy journey into internet dating, I will continue to write posts here.  I am far from a Pro at this and only know what I like and would prefer to see.  I am a busy business professional who wants to fall in love.  I don't think using the internet to date gives the experience any less weight than meeting someone in a bar.  There are people who take it seriously! 

Stay tuned for more insightful tips!